I’m so sick of the shit that’s played on the radio
Am I supposed to love it? I really fucking hate it, though
The way they go and take a flow and beat it to submission
Is a smack in the face of the paint that’s my nutrition
There’s no haze inside my vision, I know I’m at the bottom
But even from my place, I look up and see a problem
Will nobody come to solve it out of fear for being looked at
Is there anybody brave enough to go and take the book back
A text book road to riches that needs it’s pages torn out
Because the path is common and the pavement is all worn out
When did riches take the scorn out and fame replace the passion?
When did rhymes become a scheme and a carnival attraction?
When did it stop to matter if there’s essence in your wording?
Why do some of these abusers feel they’re always so deserving?
It’s enough to drive me crazy, it’s so god damn unnerving
And it’s even worse to think that it’s never called concerning
Cause if you go about discerning that one rhyme from another
A third will sound the same cause they’re painted the same color
And those of us that suffer are the one’s who love it deeply
The people who obsess about it and love it so completely
Fuck tying this up neatly with a happy beat and rhythm
Don’t ever dance to this but question what is given
Stop taking what I love and conforming it for money
Cause those of us that care only find you sad and funny
The world always asks for strength when all I have is weakness
Sometimes I have to ask if I am strong enough to beat this
Cause looking at the pieces can be a bit confusing
It’s hard to find the soothing when you know a storm is brewing
What is it that I’m doing? What is it I’m not saying?
Why is it that there’s always fear behind the words I’m praying?
When you come to me for saving, why is it I’m decaying?
What is it down inside of me that brings about this fading?
Cause I’ve given up the hating, the anger and the raging
I’ve tried to be more giving than ever being taking
But, now, this heart is racing as my thoughts are spinning crazy
I need to find a calm for her before it leaves me breaking
It’s amazing, in this fear, though, how I strive to persevere
I used to run and hide every time the hurt got near
But something in her tears makes me feel a little stronger
Like maybe I can stand up, for just a little longer
And use the strength to warm her until everything is better
Then I’ll quietly collapse but never let the weakness get her
If every storm we weather can be placed upon my shoulders
Then maybe she can be ok and I can be her soldier
Maybe I can be the one, the single guy she needs
Maybe I can make her smile with tears of joy on cheeks
Maybe I can keep her safe when the world would fall to pieces
Maybe I can be the one, but maybe I am weakness
Notes: It’s a little weak, but I just needed to get some thoughts out.
I know that I haven’t been around much to post, lately. I apologize. I promise new content will be coming soon. I have a few things to rant on; I just need to find the time to rant. For now, however, I spend all my time with Melanie and enjoy it. Sorry.
Here’s are the lyrics for “This Is It”, another track from Staind’s upcoming album, “The Illusion of Progress”. I’m proud to be the first site to bring them to you. Enjoy.
Here we are
There’s no where else to go and
That’s so far
From where we all could be but
If you feel like disappearing
Then you should take this for what it’s worth
This is it and it fits
And it feels like this is good enough for me
Could it be that the grass is always green?
There you are
You dream of something better
What’s so wrong?
With what you thought was true and
If all the colors are disappearing
Then you should take this for what it’s worth
This is it and it fits
And it feels like this is good enough for me
Could it be that the grass is always green?
This is it (This is it)
This is it (This is it)
If you feel like disappearing
You should take this for what it’s worth
This is it and it fits
And it feels like this is good enough for me
Could it be that the grass is always green?
I see the path of destruction right there before me
The cobblestoned road that once before tore me
The way it implores me can be so convincing
When nothing is right and my everything’s missing
When I’m shaking and twitching and hurting and crying
The presence of shadows can be so underlying
When this soul’s pulse is dying, it’s easily beaten
Just giving up hope with no need for a reason
I’ll just scream to release it, I’ll fade out to quiet
This emptiness eats me. I’m too weak to fight it
I’m too weak to hide it. My eyes turn to lifeless
There’s one thing I need, the one thing to right this
I need her to be here, I need her here with me
I want her to smile and I’d ask her to kiss me
I’d beg her to lift me and tell me it’s better
And tell me today that we’re back here together
And I’d hold her forever just the way that I promised
My heart’s full of love that’s impatient, yet honest
I’d sing her a sonnet though I’d miss every note
I wouldn’t care, I’d just sing of this hope
And I’d sing what I know, how I love her completely
I’d sing it off key, but I’d sing it so sweetly
I’d give it my all, I would give it my best
I just want her here with me, her head on my chest
I’ve been a member of Neowin for over seven years. For more than five of those years, I have been a member of the staff. It’s been a long road, that’s for sure. I, pretty much, grew up on Neowin. I went from being a teenager ready to burn down the world to being a calm collected man, also ready to burn down the world. So, why leave?
To be honest, the biggest reason for stepping down is Melanie. The fact of the matter is, I’d much rather spend time being with her than dealing with a bunch of morons on the internet who decide today’s the perfect day to call me a Nazi. I think I used Neowin, for all those years, to fill a void and a lot of empty time. Well, now I have something much more important to me and I just feel as though it’s best to give all of my attention to that. I’ll still read and post on Neowin, but now I don’t have to worry about cleaning up messes as I stumble across them.
Another deciding factor was my lack of motivation. I think this ties into everything I just said about Melanie being more important (obviously, by the way), but I just don’t have the drive to want to deal with the nonsense. It gets tiring to always have to step into a conversation and play the role of the parent instead of partaking in the discussion on hand. It really starts to make you hate opening up a potentially interesting thread because you just know it’s going to be a war zone in there.
This isn’t my final goodbye to Neowin. As I said, I’m going to remain an active member and the administration has made it clear that the door is always open for my return, should I change my mind. Right now, though, as weird as this may feel, I’m content with just being a regular old member. Priorities change in life and between Melanie and work, I can no longer confidently say I have the time or motivation needed to be an effective staff member on Neowin.
Well, Melanie left today for a week long vacation to Disney with her family. I’m glad she’s going to get some time to have some real fun in the self proclaiming “happiest place on earth”, though I can’t help but feel a bit selfish and be really bummed out that I won’t get to see her or talk to her much, at all, during this time.
It’s just weird: I’ve spent every single day (except one) of the summer, so far, with her and I’ve been more than happy to do so. Some people would expect us to be sick of each other and, if this was any other person, I would be, but she’s just different and so fun to be around, even if we’re doing nothing at all. Now, I have to go back to my old life (kind of) for a week.
One thing I want to do, during this week, is hang out with Joe. We haven’t had much time together in the past few months and it’d be nice to chill with one of the few friends I have and, since he’s basically a brother to me, it’s a little more meaningful than that. Hell, I just want to play basketball until we can’t play anymore and then do it all again the next day.
All in all, if I seem a little testy this week, I apologize. I’m going to be in a bad mood as I miss Melanie and, well, you know how I get.
I’m aware the ‘Recent Tracks’ section on the right side is broken. Wordpress is being a pain in my ass and not listing my plugins accordingly, so I can’t even seem to fix the problem. I’ll get around to it by tomorrow, most likely.
Update: I’m trying to work with my host to solve the issue. This is a site wide issue and not tied to Wordpress, thus, it’s not something I can fix on my own.
Update: Everything is now working, again. I had to change plugins for the music information and, unfortunately, can’t remove the artist from the information, but I don’t think that’s too bad.
Fill it on up with the medicine of history
Please share it with me, it’s like the best hit to me
The fight that it gives to me to blacken the room
The way that it sits with me in a damaged cocoon
The way that it pierces and heads straight to the heart
Double mixed words are both bitter and tart
It rips me apart as it fills up these veins again
Today’s not tomorrow cause today is the same again
And it’s inside my brain again, I feel it there swimming
I thought we left it behind, well, maybe you’re kidding
Cause here we’re both sitting, well okay, you’re laying
While the walls of the vessels are slowly decaying
And everything’s fading, it’s come back for a visit
Circular tracks that can tear down this vision
You’ll never listen so why bother talking?
I can hear you behind me, preparing for walking
You want to leave because I’m dumb and upset
Failure’s my sport and I am such a success
Are you giving up yet? Have you seen my true color?
There’s nothing to see but a bastard, no other
I’m stubborn and weak and then callous and candid
And shy and afraid and confused and disbanded
I’m falling apart in the silence we’re sharing
Shove the needle to heart and then witness my tearing
2007: Acoustic Lights — Acoustic Lights (8/29/2007)
I’m addicted and hooked on this thing called music
You might just listen, but I like to use it
The [...]
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It’s hard to understand everything that I’ve digested
If I stare a little longer, I just magically might get [...]